One of my recent realizations while struggling to get my mind happier and becoming a more mentally strong and happier person is a shift in perspective.
Sometimes life makes you relearn lessons. If you're lucky enough to have a partner willing to grow and work with you while you're struggling (or a fucking emotional roller coaster like I was recently), you can do so and actually overcome these challenges.
The lesson I re-learned is that a relationship is only PART of your life, not the entire thing. You do want to have the right person by your side, and you also need to know the person you are and see how to be happy about that and make it work.
You might give up sometimes. Hopefully you're lucky and have a partner willing to try again.
In my relationship with my girlfriend, I was putting so much pressure on 1. myself and 2. my relationship. Relationships for a lot of my life so far pre-occupied my life as my top priority. Everything I was doing was to move towards the drug of love and get more of it.
Until I realized I don't feel good about myself in some areas and thought to myself "I can't do this in a relationship, I'm not good enough, etc.". Well, if you tell yourself that, you're right. If you don't have a supportive partner or a partner that doesn't treat you well, yes, it might be the relationship. However, if you do have a partner who loves you and treats you well, perhaps even very well, and you're still not happy and are wanting to find someone else or run away, there's a high chance you might actually be the problem.
THIS assumes a foundation of trust, honesty, and transparency. Even if you emotionally fuck things up and leave / come back etc., you're always being honest with yourself in that moment about what you're want and the partner can still trust you despite you being an emotional roller coaster (if you are that).
My mind was so hyperfocused on my relationship that it was causing me to be unhappy and feel a lot of pressure and anxiety and miss out on a lot of my life around me.
I want to be happier person. My mentor is the happiest guy I know and he gives great advice. Not every single thing applies to me but a lot of it does and it is inspirational. You need to find your own zen. You need to learn what fulfills you, what doesn't make you feel good, and what should make you feel good but doesn't as perhaps it's just your minds doing.
I want to be physically and mentally strong individual. I want to be an amazing person and partner. I'm physically stronger than I've ever been, perhaps even healthier, mentally there are things and perspectives that are shifting inside me to learning how to become a happier person.
I'm still in the fucking process. And it seems that even just this awareness of things is helping me to grow into this being.
There's more to life than just your relationship. What else do you want to do? Who do you want to be? What person do you see yourself being happy about being? What do you want to achieve? Can your partner help you achieve that? Do they want to help you achieve that? How can you better utilize what you have instead of running away and losing everything you've already developed? How can you better utilize your own skills and resources to win life and do so in a way where you and others feel loved and supported?
Just some ideas and questions to ask. How can you be a happier person? Gratitude lists? A little self-love action? Need to go to a spa or start carnivore diet or smthn? Need a solo trip to Japan or somewhere else? Need to get a therapist?
Go and find out!
For me it seems that I want to be an extremely talented music producer, musician, healthy happy wealthy confident straight white man that really knows how to enjoy life and always be winning at life who brings joy and peace to himself and others.
Right now, that takes piano lessons, driving lessons, Portuguese lessons, having a beautiful sexy supportive girlfriend who loves me so much, a cool Japanese friend, a mentor to help me get strong and cool clients and a cool team to help me earn more and more money and allow me to grow and flex my skills. Also a nice gym and plentiful well priced living options and food in Portugal.
I love you guys, take care of yourselves and keep going! You got this 💪.